About an 'animal' named Malu Fernandez

Isang araw, like rain in the desert where he is now, my long-time tormentor Adolfo Ares Gutierrez suddenly sent me this message:

“aware ka naman siguro sa alingasngas ng mga OFW dun sa animal na columnist ng standard at people asia na si Malu Fernandez…araw-araw, nadadagdagan ng 100 comments yung isang blogspot na nagpaskel ng article ...indikasyon ng galit ng mga migrante…”

Now, Ares writes like this all the time.  But I thought his colorful adjectives were reserved only for college hamsters and nincompoops he disliked (because he was friends with nincompoops—so there goes consistency). 

What made my beloved (gag!) former ‘B’ eic use these choice words again?

Here:

Are you a stinky linky? Or do you smell like a divine divalicious babe?

By Malu Fernandez

“As all of you know I have just returned from a wonderful holiday in the Mediterranean. To cut on some costs for this impromptu vacation I was forced to fly economy class which I absolutely do not wish on my worst enemy. I was, however, encouraged by my travel agent to try out Emirates since it won the best economy class, so with great trepidation I flew on Emirates via Dubai, completely forgetting that Dubai is the hub for all the Filipino migrant workers. Call me whatever you like but when you are trapped in economy class that is filled to the brim with migrant workers the smell gets a little funky after nine hours of flying…”

Following are some of the reactions flying around the web from incensed Pinoy migrant workers:

--"arogante, mayabang, pintasera, matapobre... etc. etc. ”

--“No wonder na ang broadsheet na Manila Standard ay hindi pupuwedeng i-level sa mga broadsheets na kagaya ng Manila Bulletin, Philippine Daily Inquirer at Philippine Star, dahil sa mga ganitong klaseng writer at article.”

--“my Goshhhhh!!!!!!!  shes not kagandahan para mag enarte.......try nya muna mag pa lipo k!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

--"inutusan lang ng suka writer na.”

The number of such reactions must have already reached critical mass that Ms Fernandez was forced to respond, to wit:

“As I type this, I’d like you to know that it’s not about whining, complaining and bitching but just stating the facts. Just recently, I wrote a funny article in my magazine column and my friends thought it was hilarious. It was humorous and quite tongue-in-cheek, or at least I thought so, until the magazine got a few e-mails from people who didn’t get the meaning of my acerbic wit. The bottom line was just that I had offended the reader’s socioeconomic background. If any of these people actually read anything thicker then a magazine they would find it very funny. Most people don’t get the fact that they need bitches like me to shake up their world, otherwise their lives would be boring and mediocre. I obviously write for the a certain target audience and if what I write offends you, just stop reading. (sic)

“Although it may sound elitist to you the fact is this country is built on the foundation of haves, have-nots and wannabes. One group will never get the culture of the other. Although I could mention that it is easier to understand someone who has a lower socioeconomic background that would entail a whole other page and frankly I don’t want to be someone to bridge the gap between socioeconomic classes. I leave that to the politicians in my family who believe they can actually help. Now I seriously ask you, am I being a diva or are people around me just lacking in common sense? Perhaps it’s a little of both!”

Now, my take—

If you tell Filipinos to their faces they are dark-skinned, they will agree.

If you tell Filipinos they are only good for manual work, they may agree.

If you say Filipinos stink, they will disagree.

Because she is elitist and born of the hated class, Ms Fernandez does not know this.  By firing off that rejoinder, she also showed the world she is clueless.  Well, she is probably not too bright up there in the first place.  What she arrogantly wrote was cassus belli—cause for war.

We Filipinos genuinely believe we are the best-smelling people in the world.  Our national pastime (no, not basketball or cockfights or bloody elections) is taking a bath, which is even bigger than the government’s proclivity for corruption.  Yes! that! big! 

Now, to say Manila Standard Today and People Asia should be boycotted is harsh.  Take pity on papers that haven’t made money since their first issues.  More to the point, take pity on their working journalists and other workers.

To say that Ms Fernandez and her class orientation should be incessantly pilloried, you’ll hear nothing from me.

======= Turns out I only picked one small portion of that offensive article by that animal! (pronounce it like an Iberian, please) wrote. Here is more quotations from that article Col. Ares Sanders sent to the rest of the universe: "I forgot that the hub (of Emirates Airlines) was in Dubai and the majority of OFWs were stationed there. The duty-free shop was overrun with Filipino workers selling cell phones and perfume. I wanted to slash my wrist at the thought of being trapped in a plane with all of them," she wrote in her column. She claimed this was aggravated when one of her fellow passengers spoke to her and said "Hey there? Where are you from? Are you a domestic helper as well?" Fernandez wrote that due to the huge number of OFWs in the plane wearing cheap perfumes, the expensive perfume she had on evaporated into thin air. "I had resigned myself to being trapped like a sardine with all these OFWs smelling of AXE and Charlie cologne while my Jo Malone evaporated into thin air," Fernandez boasted. Hayop nga 'tong putang-amang ito, ano? Anyway, Fernandez is reported to have resigned from the two rags already. Nobody is saying whether she is really contrite or not. My question is, when is that wrist-slashing coming?